We are almost out of the woods. Only, I’m afraid we may have to go in a little deeper before we can come back out on the other side. And most days I can feel you there by my side. But, if I am honest (cause you know by now that I will be and you are probably growing a bit weary of it), the dwindling numbers of “listeners” to this conversation can get me down if I let it.
For those of you unfamiliar with this side of blogging, there is this nifty little feature that tells you have many times a particular post has been viewed. Bleh. It has an official name I’m sure, but I like to refer to it as the soul killer or dream crusher or perhaps candy from baby taker. Long story short, it messes with your mind. And mine is already of a questionable state, so you can only imagine the havoc this thing wreaks.
So, you say, just don’t look. Yeah, right. Like don’t pick the scab or peel the sunburn or curl your toes at night even though you know its gonna cause a foot cramp. Easier said than done.
After I finished telling the story of the dream & how we bought the farm, the somewhat encouraging numbers have now plummeted. And I sing my writing mantra over and over in my head: for an audience of One (capital O), for an audience of One, for an audience of One. Then screaming in my head, “Why don’t more people read this?!?! And respond. It is good stuff, right? Cue the crickets chirping.
For an audience of One.
But really, anybody out there?
And, out of desperation and ever so slight madness, I sent a Facebook message to my writing, living, reading, broken human, loving Jesus hero – Flower Patch Farmgirl and asked her if she might pretty please consider taking a peak at my 31 days of conversation and possibly share her thoughts.
And she responded!!!
And when I emailed my one of my girlfriends who has an equal appreciation for FPFG, this was her reaction. “I’m shrieking like a teenage girl finding out the boy that she likes, likes her back! The Flower Patch Farmgirl likes you!!” And I may or may not have danced the jig. Or maybe I shook it.
And the crowd parted at the NKOTB concert and Jordan locked eyes with me. And, of course, he fell immediately and madly in love.
For an audience of One.
Why is that so hard? Why, oh, why do I so desperately want people to like me, and more importantly, like what I write? It’s like I’m broken or something. And, I can’t “shake it.”
And this little nugget of wisdom from FPFG, “God will send the people here who need to read this. Rest in that, and keep on writing it down. Just do what you’re doing because you were called to do it. Try to not worry about who is or isn’t reading. Write because it’s important and because you love it. Keep on keeping on, Sister. This story matters.”
Yes, indeed. Trust. Rest. Love. Write.
Of course, I intended for this message to be a thank you to those of you who are still here with me, but sometimes I can’t control where this thing goes. And I have more responses and encouraging words from your side of the conversation that I really want to share. From your own journeys and struggles. Which is exactly what a conversation should be. But remember early on when I told you that I dominate and interrupt. Well, here you go. As usual, you couldn’t get a word in edgewise. And I would share them now except that I am supposed to be prepping soup, buying groceries and packing for a camping trip (all of which should have been done days ago).
So, you will just have to check back tomorrow for a proper thank you (read: shameless ploy to get more blog views).